He was nervous about his first date with the woman he met online. She was far more attractive than anyone he had ever dated before and she was way out of his league. In preparation, he rehearsed the questions that were scientifically designed to help people fall in love. At the restaurant, they talked over a glass of wine.
Man: I’d like to ask you something, if it’s alright. What would constitute a perfect day for you?
Woman: A perfect day? Hmm, well, I guess it would start with me tracking down my high school calculus teacher who promised to give me an A if I would have sex with him in his office, but who gave me an F anyway, and then I would pull out my straight razor and…
Man: Never mind! Never mind! Um, let me see. For what in your life are you most grateful?
Woman: (Sipping wine). I guess I’m most grateful to my sister for dying last year. That was nice of her. It means I’ll eventually inherit my parents’ estate without having to share it.
Man: I see. Okay, what do you value most in a friendship?
Woman: I would say I value secrecy the most. I practice a lot of witch’s spells and I wouldn’t want everyone to know about them. Especially the black magic ones.
Man: Waiter, could I pay the cheque now, please?
Woman: Are we leaving?
Man: No, I’m leaving. I don’t think this relationship will work out.
Woman: What? But I’ve already fallen in love with you.